Wipe My tears

I didn't know what it felt like to have my tears wiped away.

I was the kind of person who was strong for everyone. I didn't cry in front of people. I didn't let them see my sadness, my upset. When I was upset, I would put on a cheerful mask and run away, run home and scream into my pillow and hate everything for making me so weak.

I couldn't even cry in front of Remus. When we started dating, I hugged him and wiped away his tears and made him feel better countless times. But I NEVER cried for him. NEVER.

No matter what happened I hid my sadness from him, and he was always so pleased that he had the happiest boyfriend in the school. He didn't know that when I sat alone I cried, because I was even too weak to tell him that he was hurting me. That he had me pegged for something I wasn't.

There was nothing I wanted more than to show him, but I couldn't make myself do it.

Then for twelve years, I screamed and cried in front of anyone who was in prison near me, or who walked past my cell. I balled myself up in a corner and beat my fists against the wall until they bled. I sobbed and screamed, and I realized how much I needed Remus.

When I was free, I visited him. I was so nervous even though I'd seen him before that day. Even though he and I had hugged and I had met Harry. I was so much more nervous to go to Remus' house.

He opened the door, and was met with that wondrous smile that I had grown so good at forcing onto my face. That smile that hid my tears, my shame.

"Sirius… I- I'm still in love with you," was the first thing he said. The thing I had worried so much about never hearing. The reason I was so nervous… so afraid to see him.

All I could do was cry.

And… for once…. I wasn't ashamed…

and I knew what it was like to have my tears wiped away.