Over - KxS

RATING: PG

"Spock," I said, I could feel my throat closing. "We have to stop this."

My chest felt really tight, but there was nothing I could do. He released my hands and took a step back. To the outside observer, he would have looked completely collected, but I saw the clouds in his eyes.

"Of course, J- Captain," he said.

"Spock-" I wanted to explain. Starfleet was getting suspicious, if we were discovered it would be over. Dishonorable discharge. I'd be sent back to Earth, and Spock would be sent back to Vulcan. We wouldn't be allowed to acquire visas with our disgraceful military records. We'd be grounded and apart. The worst thing that could happen to us.

"There is no need to explain," Spock said, "I understand. Our… intimacy is against regulations. It is inappropriate."

"I'm sorry," I said, placing my hands on his hips and pulling him closer until our foreheads were resting against each other, "I don't want to lose you."

Spock didn't move, aside from closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Of course, sir," he breathed, staying close for the last  time.

I didn't want to let go, and I knew he didn't want me to either, but I had to. I slowly released him and he said nothing, standing there like a statue.

"Jim," he said, as I was stepping through the door.

"Yes?" I asked, standing in the hall outside my open door. I couldn't go back in there, I didn't think I could leave him again.

"I… Thank you," Spock said, voice barely above a whisper.

"For what?" I asked. I had just left him, why was he thanking me?

"For this," he said, placing his hand on his left torso, where his heart was located, "Prior to… us, I did not know I had a proverbial heart."

And I'd gone and broken it.

I didn't know what to say so I nodded curtly and left him, I looked back only once to see those stormy eyes staring back at me. Of course he understood and would act professionally and never mention it again, but I still hurt him. And it was the biggest mistake of my life.